Where are you from?

Happy National Adoption Month:  To promote awareness for children in foster care in the United States. It began  as National Adoption Week in 1976 by Governor Michael Dukakis and it was declared by President Reagan in 1984. Then it was expanded to a whole month by President Clinton. 

The Adoption Series will feature those in the adoption triad: The Birth Family, Adoptee, Adoptive Family. There may be differing opinions among those in the adoption community and that is ok. It is important to respect other's opinions and sometimes one can learn from someone's different opinions. 

This week in The Adoption Series: The Adoptee. The following post was written by an Adoptee. 

Please Remember that this post doesn't represent the opinions or experiences of all adoptees. This post only represents this adoptee's thoughts and opinions.

     “Where are you from?” This has always been a loaded question for me, as an adoptee. People always assume that I have Chinese parents, and was born in China. If I do not know them well, I don’t like to divulge such personal information that I am in fact adopted. I don’t want them to think they can invalidate my identity once they hear that I was torn from my roots. When I was at a small liberal arts college, everyone thought I was an international student, as 99% of the Chinese students came from Shanghai. I went along with this storyline, expanding to include an imaginary dad who owned a computer business. I knew I was playing into stereotypes, but I took solace in the make believe. In addition, I usually look towards dealing with racial assumptions through humor rather than be on the defense. “Where are you from?” An ‘innocent’ accusation revealing you are stuck in between, neither fully American, nor fully Chinese.

     Will you ever be enough? After college, I finally realized I didn’t need anyone to validate my identity. Despite coming to America at the young age of 3, I consider myself to be Chinese first, American second. Many people have questioned the validity in this identity, but it is how I claim myself to be. Where am I from? I am from China, and that is all you (a stranger) are privy to know. Do not push me further, or I may lead you down an endless path leading to nowhere. It is fine to be curious, but be aware that words as well as actions can have consequences whether it be for better or for worse. To ask me where I am from puts me on the defense. I feel like I do not truly fit in, because my appearance or behavior is constantly in question. I have enough inner turmoil that I do not need to take upon the stress that your question produces. It is enough to be adopted, and to be in a constant state of figuring things out. 

     So next time, think before you ask. Maybe find a better way to ask about someone’s background than to ask them where they are from, or where they are really from. Where are you from?

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