Where are you from?

Happy National Adoption Month:  To promote awareness for children in foster care in the United States. It began  as National Adoption Week in 1976 by Governor Michael Dukakis and it was declared by President Reagan in 1984. Then it was expanded to a whole month by President Clinton. 

The Adoption Series will feature those in the adoption triad: The Birth Family, Adoptee, Adoptive Family. There may be differing opinions among those in the adoption community and that is ok. It is important to respect other's opinions and sometimes one can learn from someone's different opinions. 

This week in The Adoption Series: The Adoptee. The following post was written by an Adoptee. 

Please Remember that this post doesn't represent the opinions or experiences of all adoptees. This post only represents this adoptee's thoughts and opinions.

     “Where are you from?” This has always been a loaded question for me, as an adoptee. People always assume that I have Chinese parents, and was born in China. If I do not know them well, I don’t like to divulge such personal information that I am in fact adopted. I don’t want them to think they can invalidate my identity once they hear that I was torn from my roots. When I was at a small liberal arts college, everyone thought I was an international student, as 99% of the Chinese students came from Shanghai. I went along with this storyline, expanding to include an imaginary dad who owned a computer business. I knew I was playing into stereotypes, but I took solace in the make believe. In addition, I usually look towards dealing with racial assumptions through humor rather than be on the defense. “Where are you from?” An ‘innocent’ accusation revealing you are stuck in between, neither fully American, nor fully Chinese.

     Will you ever be enough? After college, I finally realized I didn’t need anyone to validate my identity. Despite coming to America at the young age of 3, I consider myself to be Chinese first, American second. Many people have questioned the validity in this identity, but it is how I claim myself to be. Where am I from? I am from China, and that is all you (a stranger) are privy to know. Do not push me further, or I may lead you down an endless path leading to nowhere. It is fine to be curious, but be aware that words as well as actions can have consequences whether it be for better or for worse. To ask me where I am from puts me on the defense. I feel like I do not truly fit in, because my appearance or behavior is constantly in question. I have enough inner turmoil that I do not need to take upon the stress that your question produces. It is enough to be adopted, and to be in a constant state of figuring things out. 

     So next time, think before you ask. Maybe find a better way to ask about someone’s background than to ask them where they are from, or where they are really from. Where are you from?

Please follow A Word with Liu Miao on Instagram at awordwithlm to receive updates about new posts on the blog and to see a glimpse of my life.

Gotcha?

Happy National Adoption Month:  To promote awareness for children in foster care in the United States. It began  as National Adoption Week in 1976 by Governor Michael Dukakis and it was declared by President Reagan in 1984. Then it was expanded to a whole month by President Clinton. 

The Adoption Series will feature those in the adoption triad: The Birth Family, Adoptee, Adoptive Family. There may be differing opinions among those in the adoption community and that is ok. It is important to respect other's opinions and sometimes one can learn from someone's different opinions.

This week in The Adoption Series: The Adoptive Family.

 Lanaya and her husband have the privilege of parenting two beautiful girls who joined their family through international adoption. Adoption makes their family a whole lot more beautiful, and brings unique challenges to the table. This has driven her in her pursuit of adoption education, particularly from adoptee and birthparent voices, which she seeks to elevate in the adoption community. She believes passionately in the value of every human life and the incredible grace of God. She loves to read and learn, especially on the topic of adoption. She and her family live in Alberta, Canada. Connect with Lanaya on Instagram lanaya graham, and through her blog found at lanayagraham

Please Remember that this post doesn't represent the opinions or experiences of all Adoptive Families. This post only represents the thoughts and experiences of Lanaya and her family.

Have you ever been in a situation that just made you feel icky? Have you ever felt like you were just an object to be used for someone else’s entertainment or gain? Maybe you were a kid on the playground that somehow knew you were the butt of a joke but didn’t get it. Maybe you were walking down the street and had a stranger cat call then snicker with a buddy. Maybe you took a stand for an injustice and had someone laugh in your face. 

I bet at one time or another we’ve all felt this way. Maybe we’ve even been the one to make the jab. It just feels gross to be objectified like that. It feels awkward and leaves us unsure of our footing. Maybe we are mad, maybe we are sad. Undoubtedly we are hurt.

Remembering how we felt when we were objectified is the best way to gain empathy when we are listening to the stories of adoptees who feel objectified within their adoption stores. We need to try and imagine how they feel when they speak, even if haven’t had the same experience or feelings about a similar experience. One way in which I have tried really hard to honouradoptees’ feelings is by changing the language I use when I talk about my children and about adoption in general.

From intentionally listening to adoptees, I have heard over and over that the phrase “gotcha day” makes many of them feel objectified, less than and commoditized. Like they were something to be purchased or owned. I stop and think about the connotation of that word, it makes perfect sense! When we play tag and call out “gotcha!” as we tag someone, we are claiming a victory. We become the winner, and someone else the looser. When we use “gotcha” at the end of a prank, we are lording our prowess over the person who is now the butt of the joke. We gain the upper hand, while someone else is left feeling powerless and resentful. I might use this phrase if I snag the last jug of milk at the grocery store, when I catch a pest in my home, or when I find a long lost t-shirt behind my freezer. 

I know there are adoptees who are not offended by this phrase just like there are people of every minority who still use older terms to refer to themselves. However, I believe this is a simple, easy change that I can make- even if not all adoptees are offended by it. In my mind, even if only a few people are offended by this phrase, it is worth it to me to find another. 

My husband and I have a few very special days in our hearts as the parents of children who joined our family via adoption, rather than biology. Right now we choose to call these days “family days” and try to do something special for and with the child who we are celebrating. But I say this cautiously because we hold these traditions VERY loosely. I know my children have complex feelings about adoption. All their thoughts and emotions are valid as they change, shift and grow. If there comes a point when my child feels that their “family day” is more of a funeral than a birthday party, we shall mark the day as they see fit. Or not mark it at all. Or call it something different. Or do something else to acknowledge their grief. These days mark a lot of change. And it’s not all win-win. There is way too much loss to make it simple, or to deny adoptees the right to choose how they wish to remember the significant days on the calendar. 

If you are reading this and struggle with the change, or feel frustrated with keeping up with PC language. Here are a few questions: If your child likes this phrase, might it be because they’ve never been given an option to think of this day differently? If you use this phrase, is your tradition more important than adoptees who have been hurt by this language? Is there an area of your life where you have felt frustrated by someone refusing to acknowledge your pain because they have never experienced it?

As parents by adoption, let’s press into adoptee driven education. Let’s not be quick to dismiss their experiences. When they share their thoughts, they risk great criticism and rejection, so let’s not let their vulnerability be in vain.

A word from Rachel

Happy National Adoption Month:  To promote awareness for children in foster care in the United States. It began  as National Adoption Week in 1976 by Governor Michael Dukakis and it was declared by President Reagan in 1984. Then it was expanded to a whole month by President Clinton. 

The Adoption Series will feature those in the adoption triad: The Birth Family, Adoptee, Adoptive Family. There may be differing opinions among those in the adoption community and that is ok. It is important to respect other's opinions and sometimes one can learn from someone's different opinions. 

This week in The Adoption Series: The Adoptee.

My name is Rachel Nas, and I was adopted from Changsha, Hunan, China when I was nine months old. I have lived in central Virginia all of my life, and I am currently a sophomore at Liberty University, pursuing a degree in Biochemistry and Molecular Biology.  

Please Remember that this post doesn't represent the opinions or experiences of all adoptees. This post only represents Rachel's experiences and opinions. 

So, it's National Adoption Month. This is one of my favorite times of year, because it opens the floor for all of those in the adoption triad (adoptees, adoptive families, and first families) to share their stories and their opinions. As most of us know, adoption isn't easy. There are so many components to adoption: love and loss, grief and joy, anger and peace. I have come to realize that such is life. There is no easy answer. There will always be hard, unanswered questions and grief so deep that it sometimes feels as if you're drowning. 

There are many things about my adoption story that fill me with unspeakable, unnameable emotion. When I was abandoned on that street corner so many years ago, I lost the chance to know my birth family. I lost a true connection to a beautiful culture and language. I don't know my actual birth date. I don't know what time I was born or how much I weighed. I truly don't know if my birth parents loved me. 

However, I am so thankful for the life and opportunities I have been given. I was placed into a loving home with two doting parents who have sacrificed so much for me. I have access to clean water, all the food I could ever dream of eating, a home to come back to, and the ability to pursue my dreams. 

So the only thing I ask is that you listen. Everyone has opinions, and each person is entitled to them. However, I ask that you listen to what we as adoptees have to say. These are our stories, and these are real things that have happened in our lives. You might not be able to understand, but I ask that you listen. I ask you to at least try to look at things from our perspective. All that we have gained from our adoption will never fill the holes in our lives and stories that adoption has caused us. These stories of ours have so much beauty mixed with pain and grief, and that's what makes them so important. May we never lose sight of that.

Please follow A Word with Liu Miao on Instagram at awordwithlm to receive updates about new posts on the blog and to see a glimpse of my life.

An Unusual Adoption

Happy National Adoption Month:  To promote awareness for children in foster care in the United States. It began  as National Adoption Week in 1976 by Governor Michael Dukakis and it was declared by President Reagan in 1984. Then it was expanded to a whole month by President Clinton.

The Adoption Series will feature those in the adoption triad: The Birth Family, Adoptee, Adoptive Family. There may be differing opinions among those in the adoption community and that is ok. It is important to respect other's opinions/experiences and sometimes one can learn from someone's different opinions/experiences

This week in The Adoption Series: The Adoptee.  Juliette Sebock is the founder of lifestyle blog, For the Sake of Good Taste. She is a poet and writer as well as a full-time blogger and influencer. In addition to the blog, she has created content for Her Campus and The Mighty and has poems and other creative pieces in a variety of outlets.  She is the author of a poetry chapbook, Mistakes Were Made. You can find Juliette at For the Sake of Good Taste or on social media. Please Remember that this doesn't represent all adoptee's experiences or opinions. This post only represents Juliette's experiences and opinions.

Within a few years of my coming into the world, my biological father decided he didn't want to be a part of my life.  I won't lie--this almost cliche story has bothered me over the years, but I've been lucky, nevertheless. For years, my mom was the best, Gilmore Girls-esque single mom a girl could ask for.  To this day, I'm remarkably close to both her and her extended family and I'm truly grateful for the time we spent together, just her and I. 

Around the time I entered kindergarten, she had met someone, a man named Chris.  She'd had a few boyfriends before, but I can't say I remember any of them now.  Chris was different--Chris stayed around.  They got married a few years later, my younger sister was born, and things changed forever.

As their relationship got more serious, the topic of him adopting me--officially--came up time and again.  He had grown up in a large Czech-Italian family and understood how important family is, in all its forms.

However, there was something else that had an impact on this decision.  In the midst of all of this, my biological grandparents had decided that, despite their son's negligence, they deserved to have a place in my life.  In their eyes, that meant buying that place--first through a lawyer who could finagle a warped custody agreement that forced me to visit them, then with a string of gifts that they believed would win them a place in my heart.  

At the same time, they spent these years trying to turn me against what I consider to be my "real" family.  Not-so-subtle remarks against my homelife and outrageous restrictions amounted almost a decade of emotional abuse.  Thanks to the legal situation, it took until I was thirteen to feel that I could confront them and insist upon cutting off these visits--for all intents and purposes, I hadn't had a valid opinion as a younger child.  

They continued to harass me for years after (and still to this day), but there was one thing that I still couldn't escape from--my birth name.  My mom had had a particularly difficult birth and almost died in the process of having me; so they and their son named me after other family members, with his surname.  

Between his own absenteeism and their years of abuse, this name haunted me through high school and into college.  From the elementary school gym teacher who called everyone by their last name to first-day roll calls, I was struck time and again by memories and relived the trauma.  

So, this was a huge factor in my adoption story: I needed to escape this too, for my own mental health.  But, as time went on, other financial matters took precedence. After all, no one doubted that I was part of the family, despite the name I had to go by.  Where it mattered, I was already "adopted." The cost of making it legally official was an awful lot to our family.  My grandfather---Dad's dad, Chris' dad---wanted to make it happen, but passed away before he could do so.

When I turned 18, it became even less crucial, in a rational sense, to legalise my adoption.  Once I was no longer a minor, it had little bearing in a legal sense. But I still found myself trying to escape the past and the name that forced me to relive it time and again.  

So, I took matters into my own hands as a junior in college.  After months of research, I found out how to legally take Dad's last name and went to court to change my name officially.  It still cost more than I liked spending, but it was worth it to be an "official" Sebock--legally. 

I changed my first name to Juliette (which is similar enough to the former name to continue using my nickname, Jules), too.  To those that don't know this entire story, it's perplexing--people still call me by the wrong name without knowing better, and some even think I only use it as a pen name, since my first book came out not long after the name change was legitimised.  But, to me, this was an equally important part.  When I moved to the UK and entered my new programme, everyone there knew me as Juliette, or Jules. It was the new start I'd needed throughout my entire life.

I kept my middle name, but not because of any affinity for the people that had given it to me. Rather, I'd used it as my "confirmation" name when my mom and I converted to Catholicism to join our family (Dad's family's, originally) church. My grandfather and aunt served as our sponsors and it was one of the earliest times that I knew I was a real member of the family. For me, this memory surpassed any other references.

I'm happy to report that dad teared up when I told him--I kept it a secret until his birthday, no less!  

Dad and I don't have a perfect relationship by any means, but I'm so grateful nevertheless. He never had to be perfect because he did something more important:  he was actually there. 

As you've probably noticed, I never did get officially adopted, at least not in a traditional sense. But I don't doubt that this "unofficial" adoption was just as real to me as a child, and became even more so when I was finally able to share my family's name.  Our family's never been traditional, so, in a way, it fits even more.  Please follow A Word with Liu Miao on Instagram at awordwithlm to receive updates about new posts on the blog and to see a glimpse of my life.

Finding Me

Happy National Adoption Month:  To promote awareness for children in foster care in the United States. It began  as National Adoption Week in 1976 by Governor Michael Dukakis and it was declared by President Reagan in 1984. Then it was expanded to a whole month by President Clinton. 

The Adoption Series will feature those in the adoption triad: The Birth Family, Adoptee, Adoptive Family. There may be differing opinions among those in the adoption community and that is ok. It is important to respect other's opinions and sometimes one can learn from someone's different opinions. 

This week in The Adoption Series: The Adoptee. The following post was written by an Adoptee. 

Please Remember that this post doesn't represent the opinions or experiences of all adoptees. This post only represents this adoptee's thoughts and opinions.

When I was in middle school, I loved playing sports and my favorite sport to play was football. Waking up early in the summer morning for practice, laughing with my friends on the sidelines, and fighting for each other on the field was the best. In football I wasn’t tall enough to play lineman and I wasn’t quick enough to play wide receiver, but what I could do was throw the ball. Every day in evenings when my dad got home from work I would ask him if we could go to the park and play catch. It was so much fun throwing the ball around with my friends and pretending like we were pros.  However, things changed and during my freshman year, I quite football after three weeks of practice and changed to running cross country. Why the change you might ask? I didn’t stop because I lost interest, but I simplycame to the realty that I wasn’t supposed to play football. You see I am an Asian guy and I also happen to not be the tallest person in the world. During my freshman year, I was faced with the reality that it didn’t matter how good I could throw if I couldn’t see over the guys in front of me. I was throwing blind. After a few really rough practices I decided football wasn’t for me. Now this was very tough time in my life for me, because it was hard watching my friends, who I grew up with, play the sport I loved.  Now I know this happens to most of us at some point in our lives where we realize that our bodies can’t match the things we want them to accomplish, but for me it was really tough as the only Asian in a school with all white kids. Also, being different didn’t stop at sports either. In high school, there was this girl I liked, and we had been friends a long time and had a variety of classes together. She was nice and sweet and she was the girl everyone wanted to be friends with. My sophomore in high school I asked her out and to my dismay she told me that she wasn’t interested in dating Asians, but still wanted to be friends. Now I get everyone has preferences and I understand that she has hers, but that didn’t stop the internal pain and rejection that I look happened every time I looked into the mirror. 

​For me, the hardest part of growing up was always being different from everyone else. Different from my parents, my teachers, and my friends. It was stressful, and now that I look back, I wish I had more connections with other Asians my age.

​However, I also want to add that as an adopted kid that things aren’t always going to bad, the key dealing with my struggles is controlling the things you can and letting go of the things you can’t because at the end of the day the only person I could be was me. 

​On the cross-country team, I made varsity my freshman year and was Captain the year after that. It wasn’t football, but because I worked hard I was able to find success as something I worked very hard for. I loved running so much that later in college I managed to run my first marathon.  My junior year in highschool I started dating this really cute American girl who I met in theater club. We aren’t dating today, but we grew as people together and shared a lot of happy memories. In college, I started to learn Chinese and made a few Chinese American friends who I consider good friends. So if there is any other adoptee out there reading this, I hope to tell them that it gets better and that I hope they aren’t afraid to be themselves. 

Please follow A Word with Liu Miao on Instagram: awordwithlm to receive updates about new posts and a peek into my life.

Sharing to Much?

Happy National Adoption Month:  To promote awareness for children in foster care in the United States. It began  as National Adoption Week in 1976 by Governor Michael Dukakis and it was declared by President Reagan in 1984. Then it was expanded to a whole month by President Clinton. 

The Adoption Series will feature those in the adoption triad: The Birth Family, Adoptee, Adoptive Family. There may be differing opinions among those in the adoption community and that is ok. It is important to respect other's opinions and sometimes one can learn from someone's different opinions. 

This week in The Adoption Series: The Adoptee. The following post was written by me, Liu Miao. I am a Chinese adoptee. I love to blog and eat. Adoption is very important to me. I love to help bring awareness and educate others about adoption. I have a lot of opinions about adoption, but it is so important to hear from other adoptees, adoptive families, and birth families so this is why I started The Adoption Series.  

Please Remember that this post doesn't represent the opinions or experiences of all adoptees. This post only represents my experiences and opinions. 

Most of use social media to share about our lives to friends and families. Social media is also used to keep connected with people. I have noticed in the adoption community that there is a tendency to share about adopted kids and their journey. Sometimes these accounts are public too. No I don't think it is always bad to share about your adopted kids. Sharing on social media can encourage another fellow adoptive parent, bring awareness about adoption or help educate someone about adoption.

I think that there is a point of sharing too much online. Adopted kids have a special story and sometimes it isn't appropriate to share it verbally or online. There comes a time when the kids need to be the one to share their story especially as they become older. You may say that my kids are very young. I would suggest that one doesn't share to many details about their story to the public ( unless it is like the doctors or another situation calls for detail).  Some kids may not care if their story is shared. It depends on each person. I would suggest asking your kids because sometimes they may be afraid to hurt your feelings.  Even as an adult adoptee, I don't always share the specific details of my adoption story because there are some details that don't need to be shared on the blog or Instagram. Remember before posting or speaking with someone, is this a detail that needs to be shared? If my child was an adult, would they be ok if this detail was shared on social media or verbally to someone.  Just something to consider.

~Liu Miao~

Baby, I'm the lucky one

Here is a guest blog post from an adoptive mom's perspective about adoption. They adopted their daughter Faith from China. I met this mom via Instagram because we follow some of the same people. It turns out that we live near each other and her daughter goes to the same hospital that I am a patient at. I really enjoyed what Michelle had to say about adoption. Her mentality is not that they saved their daughter but that their daughter has blessed them. The link to Michelle's blog  will be at the end of this post.

                                           (Michelle and her daughter Faith)

Our family was in the market for an RV. With as many small children as we have, we decided the best way to vacation would be to do it via our own “mobile hotel room”. We entered the main office of our local RV dealership ready to make a deal. As my husband spoke with the salesman on RV specifics, I walked around the office, keeping our four children entertained. It turned out that the dealership did not sell an RV with the layout we were looking for, but before we left, the dealer asked if he could speak to both of us and called me into his cubical.

            I sat down next to my husband in a seat across from the salesman thinking he was about to give us an elaborate sale’s pitch to try to talk us into buying a model we weren’t interested it. Instead, he looked at each of us and said, “I want you to know that what you have done for that little girl is amazing. I admire you. She is so lucky to have you.”

            While I appreciate the sentiment and I admit, the verbal pat on the back feels very good sometimes, what we did in adopting our youngest child doesn’t compare to what she has done for us. Stacy Manning put it correctly when she said, “Adoption doesn’t make a child lucky. It makes him loved and part of a family, but it also makes him touched by a deep loss and that is not lucky.”  

     Our adopted daughter, Faith, was abandoned by her birthparents hours after being born and spent the first three years of her life in an orphanage in Zhoukou, China. We don’t know much about those first three years, other than what her hospital records tell us, but her doctors here think most of those years were spent in a crib with little interaction. She was handed over to us with brittle and course hair chopped short and intestinal parasites literally eating her from the inside out. She couldn’t walk, feared men, toys and abandonment. She was also very malnourished. She had turned 3 days before we met her, yet she was the size and weight of a 6 - 9 months old baby. She couldn’t walk, didn’t talk, and could not even feed herself. Upon seeing her pediatrician here at home, she was diagnosed with “failure to thrive”. On top of all of that, one day we came along and forced her to leave the only home she had ever known, her country and her culture. None of this sounds “lucky” to me.

In the following year, we watched as an infant grew in fast forward. She learned English, gained 11 pounds and 4 inches, she began walking a month after coming home and then relearned to walk after successive casting and heel cord release surgery to correct her clubbed feet. Instead of spending her days in the confines of a crib, she spends them surrounded by siblings, a mommy and a daddy. Most of all she has a light from within that shines in her eyes because she knows that she is wanted, cherished and loved forever. God took a little life that was abandoned hours after her birth, had no family and was literally dying and has truly redeemed her life! In Joes 2:25 the Lord promises, “I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten” and we have seen that promised redemption lived out in our little Faith.

      The most amazing part of all of this is that we were chosen to have a front seat to it all! We truly are the lucky ones to be able to witness the miraculous power of love first hand. She endured difficulties beyond imagination while we received a pure blessing – her as a part of our family. Faith has taught us so much and is an inspiration to so many. If we had not opened our hearts to adoption we would have missed it all!

     Adoption isn’t about being an amazingly compassionate or perfect person. If it were, no one would be qualified to adopt. Adoption also isn’t about getting a lucky break in being chosen by a family. Adoption is about opening your heart to love- whether you are the adopter or the adoptee. It is about being able to provide a loving environment that encourages spiritual, emotional, and physical growth. The miracle of adoption is that a stranger from as far as a world away suddenly and completely becomes family. Thank you, Mr. RV Dealer, but you got it all wrong. We are not amazing, she is the amazing one and we are the “lucky” ones to have been given the honor to raise this precious girl and to be able to witness the true miracle of adoption.

 Here is the link to Michelle's blog http://foretastesofglory.blogspot.com/

Don’t forget to check @awordwithlm on Instagram for updates about the blog and to get a glimpse into  my life.

Things Not to do when you meet an adoptee

When I mention that I am adopted, I have been told many interesting things. People also ask some interesting questions too. I am a Chinese and adopted into a Caucasian family. Here is a list of some statements/questions:

-      Do you speak English?

-      Why do walk like that?

-      You are very lucky to be adopted.

-      How does it feel to be adopted?

-      You’re adopted? That’s your mom?

-      Do you know your birth parents?

-      You should try to find your birthparents.

-      Stare at me when I am with my parents

-      Stare at me when I walk

-      Ask me my adoption story (out of context or when I just met you)

How many of you can relate to these questions/statements? Please comment below to share your experience. Don’t forget to check @awordwithlm on Instagram and facebook for updates about the blog and to get a glimpse into my life.

Be SUMthing Different

I did a guest post on Dim Sum and Doughnuts! This is something that I struggle with and learning to deal with it.

http://www.dimsumanddoughnuts.com/be-sumthing-different/

Adoption: Looking on both sides of the coin

I did a guest post on No Hands But Ours

http://www.nohandsbutours.com/2016/07/23/adoption-looking-sides-coin/

Thoughts about adoption by an adoptee

This is a very different kind of post than I usually do. Recently, I asked an adoptive mom what she would like to know about adoption from the view of an adoptee. There were three main topics that she asked me about. Belonging in a family, embracing the birth culture, and information about the past are the broad topics that I will discuss today. I am not claiming to be an expert but I think it is important to hear from the adoptee’s view. My opinions do not represent all adoptees but I hope that my opinions can help adoptive parents.

Belonging in a family.

     This is a very important aspect to consider in adoptive family. Sometimes it can be hard for an adoptive child to feel a part of a family. Some children will have these feelings at various ages. It will depend on the child and their circumstances. My parents always told me that they loved me like their birth children. They don’t always point out that I am adopted daughter. They call me their daughter.  This is important to note. I believe this can help a child feel a part of their family. This can give a child a sense of being like the other children.

    My parents have told me how much work they went through to adopt me. This shows me that they loved me. Any adoptive parent will say how much work it was to adopt. Tons of paperwork, background checks, travel expense, fundraising, and etc. I can guarantee that those parents will say that is was worth it. I believe it takes as much work to adopt children as it does to have birth children.

     Gotcha day is a great thing to celebrate. It can show a child that their family is happy to have them in the family. Some children may not want to celebrate.  When the child is older, ask them if they want to celebrate it. When the child is young, I believe parents should celebrate gotcha day. There are different ways to celebrate gotcha day.  Parents could go all out to celebrate or do something small. Find something that works for your family.

Embracing the birth culture

     I believe that celebrating the child’s birth culture is very important. It gives a child a connection to their past they may not remember (depends on the age of the adoptive child). I do not think it is necessary to celebrate or do every activity from the birth culture but I think that parents should try to do some things from the culture. Cooking the food, celebrating the holidays, learning the language, and learning facts about the birth country are ways to embrace the birth culture/country. Depending on where you live, there may be culture events geared towards the child’s birth country. There also may be other adoptive families with children from the same country. The internet is a great place to find information about the birth culture. Youtube is also a great tool to find information about the birth culture. As the child gets older, they may not want to embrace their birth culture. It depends on the child if they want to keep learning about their birth culture as they get older. Do not force it upon then when the child is older. Let them decide.

 

Information about the past.

When a child is young, it can be hard to bring up the topic of the past. Every child has a different story. Some stories can be very sad and some stories can be very happy. I think it is best to tell the child information in an age appropriate way. Let’s say that your child is 2. Explain their situation in a simple way. As the child gets older, you can explain the details more. I would say teenage years is a good time to explain the details of their past. The child is older and comprehends more. Recently, I found information about my own past. The maturity level varies with children so it is the parent’s job to tell information in the best way. The thing to remember is to be honest with your child

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